POLK COUNTY, Fla. — New Year’s resolutions are notoriously hard to keep, but for Malik Burney, the attempt to turn over a new leaf didn’t even last a single day.
Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd highlighted Burney’s short-lived freedom while also showing off a new addition to his office decor. Sitting prominently on the Sheriff’s desk is a Christmas gift plaque that reads: “Everyone was thinking it… I just said it.”
Judd said the slogan perfectly captured his reaction to Burney’s alleged antics on January 1.
According to the Sheriff’s Office, Burney, 30, was released from Florida State Prison on New Year’s Day. Rather than heading home to restart his life, authorities say he walked into a RaceTrac on Highway 37 just hours after walking out of the prison gates.
Surveillance footage reportedly showed the newly released man shoplifting a bizarre combination of items: Mentos, Pringles, and condoms.
The specific haul prompted Judd to live up to the new sign on his desk.
“I don’t know if the gum and the Pringles were before or after, but condoms are important,” Judd remarked during the briefing. “Because you certainly don’t want to spread this guy’s genes around.”
After leaving the convenience store, investigators say Burney tried his luck at a closed auto repair shop next door, ransacking four vehicles but finding little of value. He then reportedly moved to a nearby residential street and entered an open garage.
His prize? A six-pack of Diet Coke.
The homeowner, who didn’t recognize the intruder, called 911 immediately. Deputies arrived and found Burney one street over, taking him back into custody before the sun had even set on his first day of freedom.
Burney now faces multiple charges including burglary and theft. As for his prospects for the rest of the year, Sheriff Judd offered a grim forecast.
“Malik is probably going to end 2026 where he started it,” Judd said. “In state prison.”
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