POLK COUNTY, Fla. – Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd announced the arrest of 59-year-old James Pirkle, Sr., labeling the suspected burglar a “Grinch” whose criminal skills were as lacking as his holiday spirit.
According to the Sheriff, Pirkle went on a crime spree in the Pebble Brook area of Lakeland, allegedly breaking into a home and a vehicle to steal credit cards and a firearm. But it wasn’t just the crimes that drew the Sheriff’s ire—it was the suspect’s botched attempt at an alibi.
Investigators say they tracked Pirkle using surveillance footage from local homes and a Circle K, where he allegedly used the stolen cards. When confronted, Pirkle insisted deputies had the wrong man. He claimed video evidence from a nearby Shell station would exonerate him, proving he was simply buying milk at the time of the burglaries.
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Deputies pulled the tape.
“We gave him the benefit of the doubt and voila, there he is buying milk,” Judd said. “Wearing the same exact clothes he was wearing when he was in the video breaking into cars.”
The wardrobe malfunction prompted a classic Judd-ism regarding the suspect’s intelligence: “Five brain cells, and three of them weren’t working.”
Judd didn’t hold back on his character assessment of Pirkle, leaning heavily into the holiday season for his descriptors. Describing Pirkle as “59 going on 89,” Judd borrowed from Dr. Seuss to paint a picture of the defendant’s character.
“James Pirkle, Sr. is just not a good guy,” Judd said. “You could say he’s as cuddly as a cactus and as charming as an eel… and the three words that best describe him are as follows, and we quote, ‘stink, stank, stunk.'”
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Even Pirkle’s acquaintances seemed unsurprised by the arrest. When deputies contacted a woman identified as his girlfriend—or perhaps now ex-girlfriend—her reaction was reportedly a resigned, “What did he do now?”
Pirkle remains in the Polk County Jail, facing multiple charges, including burglary and theft. Sheriff Judd closed the case with a simple message for the suspect: “Have a good time.”
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